Dark Too Early

Today has vanished. It's dark outside, and I feel like we should have had our dinner by now and be putting Ben to bed. But I am (hopefully) going out in an hour. We were all supposed to be going out but Steve is feeling sick again and so depending on whether he can cope with looking after Ben while I go out, I may or may not be going out after all.

I bought some new tights on Friday. The sort of tights that you just HAVE to wear, and spend half an hour trying to get dressed because you can't figure out what to wear with them. I wanted to wear a black jumper-dress I thought (I KNOW) I had, but I can't find it anywhere. So I had to search through everything trying to find the right clothes to wear to go with these tights. But I think people liked them :) I like them anyway. Steve wasn't too sure. But then anything away from my norm takes him a while to either like or get used to.

This one is for Orla - Ben found my iPhone and I thought he'd unlocked and found his games to play. But when no music started playing I got suspicious and discovered he was in the process of sending a text to somebody..... Ooops.

There is one cupcake left of the chocolatey-gingery-treacley cupcakes I made on Friday as replacement parkin (or "no parkin" as a friend suggested it be called). That's quite possibly the quickest a batch of cakes has disappeared in ages. There's still some ginger cake left but I'm happy about that - it's GORGEOUS with custard.




At the moment it feels like I have half a husband, because he feels so sick so much of the time. I'm struggling to articulate how I feel... it's hard because I do love him and I wish I could look after him more, but there's not much I can do except let him watch tv - and tv saps my spirit and motivation and get-up-and-go like nothing else. He's here physically, but doesn't feel able to do much more than collapse on the sofa and tend the fire every now and then. It's worse than if he was just not here, because at least then I'd know where I stood and would just get on with life. (I mean that as if he was away with work, or at work, or just somewhere else - not "gone" gone. If you know what I mean.) Weekends with a poorly husband are rubbish. Ben looks forward to seeing his daddy so much, and I look forward to it, and then when it's like this it's just... rubbish. I wish he'd get better. I wish these tablets would stop making him sick, I wish his cough would go away, I wish ... I wish .... *sigh*