21/31 Faceless Self-Portrait

Steve was lovely and helped me set the backdrop for this up :) Am grateful as it was getting late and I'm still a bit poorly and Charley is too! I'm really pleased as it took only a couple of test shots to get here. This one is a composite - I liked one of my hand positions from another shot so have grafted it in. The other shots are on flickr:
snowman - test shot 1
me and snowman - test shot 2
me and charley - making use of the backdrop!



I've been aware that a few people have been worrying about me recently, wondering if I'm heading towards post-natal depression. I've been in and close to depression in the past: it's not a new thing, it's something I'm constantly aware of lurking in the background, and something I'm ever so not keen to re-visit. After Ben was born I chatted to various people about PND and the one thing I remember - and my benchmark, I suppose - was when the blue days start to out-number the good days, you need to go and see someone before it gets to the stage where you feel unable to.

I was thinking about it this morning. One friend wonders that I might be trying to do too much. It's tricky, that one though. I imagine if breastfeeding was more the norm than the exception, and if people also lived closer to their families (like, on the same street) that the extended family would just be in and out of the house doing all the jobs that needed doing like laundry and dishes and older children would be able to play with cousins more easily and would be out of mum's hair while she looked after the new baby.

Maybe I'm daydreaming about a perfect reality :0) but it does sound nice.

Anyway. I'd hoped that today would be the Day of the Wardrobe but it was basically me looking after a hot and cranky baby, and Steve taking the brunt of Ben's energy! I suppose, if I stop trying to compare today to what I hoped we'd achieve, it's actually been a good day. Dishwasher unloaded, dishes done, kitchen reclaimed, coffee made and had, breakfast, laundry washed, dried and folded, parcel collected from Post Office (by Steve), baths had by me and the children. Not bad really. And I've not lost my temper although I've wanted to run away a few times.

Ben is falling asleep now, listening to Fredrika Stahl again, as I write my journal.

Charley did a rather projectile regurge hence his bath, and probably wants his tummy filling again now....


I'm grateful to have some good friends today who have listened to me and not dismissed any of my fears, and this evening we have been able to offer encouragement and support to each other - and a few giggles too!

I know when I'm going through a tough patch because my writing suffers a monumental sense of humour bypass and no matter how hard I try I can't get even a hint of humour in.

Now re-read that sentence and substitute "hint" for "banana" (Steve's random word suggestion) and try not to laugh.

It made us laugh anyway :)

G'night all x