22/31 Hands

Firstly, thankyou SO much to everyone who stopped by yesterday, and to everyone who read and left such lovely words. You need not worry about thinking you're bossy strangers - you're not :0) Well ok... maybe a little bit bossy.... but I can take it ;0)

These are my and Steve's hands. I wanted to capture us reaching out towards each other. And our rings! (It took a great many takes to get this shot too..... who knew hands could be so tricky to position. I'm still not entirely happy with the direction my arm is going off in!)


"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everybody else's highlights reel."


Bit of a thoughtful journal today. You can tell when I've had chance to listen to some wise words!


I often blame my schooling for where I am today. Not the "married to Stephen" part of it, or the kids; but the fact is I often feel like I've not done anything of note with my life thus far. Not great A-levels (B's, a C and a D I think) in subjects I really shouldn't've taken, no university, various admin jobs most of which I've not enjoyed as I seem to have a pathological hatred of admin (despite having an NVQ L3 qualifying me as a supervisor) and filing, evidence of which can be seen on my kitchen table and in various drawers in the bureau. At least things are in a sort of chronological order. Ish.

Anyway I digress. It's often a matter of perspective really. To stop thinking that I'm here because of circumstance, that I could have made something of my life if I'd done something differently. If I'd studied things I loved, like art, textiles, photography, rather than following the standard advice to study useful things like maths.

Instead I need to keep reminding myself to think, I'm here because of my circumstances. Everything that has happened has led me to this place, and I have purpose. It's not accidental! All the things I've been through, all the ups and downs, they all have a place in me.

It's difficult to define who I am though. I'm more than just my parents' daughter. More than the sum of my genes, I guess you could say. I'm more than Stephen's wife. His life, when we met and got married, expanded to incorporate me: I wasn't expected to simply fit in around him so he could stay the way he always was, or carry on doing the things he'd always done. When Ben arrived, and now Charley, our lives have expanded and changed to incorporate them into our family, we don't expect them to simply slot in nice and easy without a fuss. We can't expect to carry on our life as just a couple as if nothing had changed. They are as much a part of us as we are of each other.

So who am I? My standard answer is, a bit of a dreamer. Artist, musician, singer, songwriter, photographer. Daughter, sister, wife and mother. A life full of experiences and challenges, opportunities missed and taken, friends loved and friends lost, have all contributed to who I am.

And I wear my heart on my sleeve, as you might have guessed!

If I'm honest, I'm still working on the "who am I" question......




In family / house news, We made it to church in time for most of the service (our earliest yet I think), I've managed to empty the old wardrobe this afternoon, Steve has looked after one or the other of the boys most of the afternoon, Ben ate a whole portion of pasta and cheese for dinner, and Charley loves lying on his changing table, looking at the bits and pieces on the mantlepiece near him. There you go. Life!