It's late....

Bit difficult to write today. Lacking in inspiration for what to photograph, dull miserable day, feeling particularly fed up generally.

Ben wasn't so keen on helping me set a self-portrait up of the two of us, so Steve suggested I took some pictures of the newly skimmed wall in our bedroom. It's getting there! Just the ceiling to skim now. And of course stripping paintwork, filling and sanding holes in other walls.... all that stuff...

Tots was nice this morning. Although, we got there, pulled up outside, and Ben looked at me and said he didn't want to go to tots, he wanted to go hoooome..... I asked why, and it seems he just doesn't like that there's so many kids there that he doesn't really play with much. Too busy. Too much noise. (Evidently there's a big difference in his head between general hubbub, and the noise produced by his drumming.) But I convinced him to come in saying we could go home if he wanted to. He stuck to me for a little while and then we spotted Ede and he was off :) Friend found, happy Ben.


But the overriding thing today has been utter fed-up-ness about the whole being induced thing. Seems like there is this tiny window in which it's optimum to deliver a baby of a diabetic mum (particularly one with pre-existing diabetes). There doesn't seem any way out of it. The risks are just too high both before this window and after it.


I so need this baby to come by himself....


I've had a fair few weepy moments today. It's hard, because it seems like everybody around me is getting excited about baby's imminent arrival and I just can't. I just can't get excited about it because I'm so fed up about everything surrounding it. I feel like I'm being robbed of the excitement. Maybe if I just sat back and accepted my situation I could kind of partition it away in my head, and leave space to get excited about the birth.... but sitting back and accepting the situation just doesn't seem to be an option in me.


Two weeks to go.


I (briefly) entertained the idea of asking the hospital to induce me super-early (i.e. before 38wks) simply so that I can be rid of them sooner, and can come home with my baby and not have to suffer any more stress-inducing antenatal clinics. But it's not really an option either...


Only two more weeks.


I can do this.


I really am looking forward to meeting my baby. I just wish I didn't start crying every time I think about having to go into hospital.