Mummy I hiding!!

You'll be pleased (or relieved!) to know I'm in a much better mood today! There must be so many people praying for me / us.

I woke up pretty early, and decided to give up on trying to sleep and went downstairs for breakfast instead. Good job as blood sugars were low again, and it was a treat to have a peaceful breakfast to myself. They are very rare and involve getting up very early!

Steve went out to a prayer meeting roughly at the same time as I was having my breakfast, and by the time he came back to get his lunch ready to go to work I was back in bed giving Ben a cuddle - he'd woken up and howled because he was all alone - he's not used to that in the morning. But by the time daddy came back to say good morning he was all smiles again. We talked about his baby brother, and that in two weeks he'll have a baby brother for real! He got all excited about that, "two weeks mummy!!" and bless him, his excitement was infectious :0) It was just what I needed. I could feel myself getting excited, and I allowed it to happen quite happily, cuddling my boy.

He decided that hiding in the curtain would be a good thing this morning and let me take lots of pictures of him! He kept coming back to see them, and giggling at his expressions :) I liked this one for his cheeky smile - I might put the rest up on flickr in a bit. He was funny :)

We were meant to go out to a toddler group today, one that he enjoys because it's quite quiet, but by the time I'd battled to get him dressed we'd missed half of it anyway so I figured why keep on battling - let's have a day off. He was happy drumming, I was happy getting bits together to do some baking, we were both smiling.

He rode his bike down to the shop with me to get some milk and crumpets (mmmmm crumpets!) and to post The Letter, so we've both managed to have a tiny bit of fresh air today which is good.

I've since managed to get some cardamom & cinnamon rolls in the oven which I'm really pleased about! Our Finnish blippers will know them as pulla and korvapuusti - they are my favouritist things in the whole world to have with a cup of tea or coffee. I may even make a cup of coffee to have with them ;0) (I don't drink coffee at the moment, it tends to give me heartburn) but not much beats coffee and fresh pulla. Except maybe coffee and fresh kahvikehrat... except I have lost my recipe for that one :(

I think kneading the dough has caused another day full of Braxton Hicks tightenings though... No bad thing I guess, but it's irritating that they always seem to grab me just when I need to stand up or something and I end up waddling slowly to wherever I was going - or just stopping and grabbing something!

Funny how much difference a day makes.

Or a sleep.

I know time is supposed to be a healer. But if time had really healed the psychological and physical hurts from delivering Ben, I don't suppose I would be so determined about this one being so differently. There are lots of things we know now which should make this time round a lot different - what not to do, what to make sure we do do. I suppose a large part of it is what I choose to believe though isn't it... whether I choose to believe I'm still scarred by the experience, or if I'm simply being able to remember it in order to be able to change things this time. I guess I need to stop letting it get to me. Last time, as traumatic as it was, during the labour and delivery itself we both (Steve and I) felt so much peace - God was looking after us and Ben, guarding our hearts and minds from the trauma. The medical staff looking after us were amazed at how we coped with everything we ended up having to deal with. I'm sure God will be guarding our hearts and minds again this time.


I meant to add these bits into yesterday's blip - I need to remember that yesterday wasn't all sad.

"I lift my eyes to the hills: where does my strength come from? My strength comes from God, the maker of all things." (Psalm 121)

"You make me lie down in green pastures, you lead me beside still waters - you refresh my soul." (Psalm 23)

And you gave me the most compassionate 3 year old I've ever met, who cuddled me tightly and gently wiped my tears of frustration away, and read me stories until I stopped crying.

Thank-you God for my Ben.



Oven is up to temperature now so I'm off to put my buns in the oven ;0)