Powerful

The name Valentine actually means 'Powerful, Strong and Worthy' and is derived from the word Valens. There is no defined figure of 'St valentine' and the commercialist rubbish currently circulating about love and buying cards is all made up by Hallmark to guilt couples into declaring their love for each other. A blipper I discovered recently pretty much hits the nail on the head herehere..

I alos realise my shot is strikingly similar to this. However I don't care.

My hatred of Valentines Day is a little deeper than this. I have history with it.

In 1996 Valentines Day was the day I opted to ditch my A Levels and make it alone. I remember because I sent 12 red roses to a girl in the year below on the same day: She was lovely but I got nowhere. I hold leaving school as one of my biggest regrets. Bad memory number one.

In 2008 I lost my granddad to cancer on Valentines Day. I'd been seeing Georgi for two months when it happened, and although she was supportive the whole day was terrible. Two days after my house flooded and I lost 90% of my wordly belongings. Bad time number 2.

In 2009 I took Georgi to Whitby for a romantic weekend, and at that point realised we weren't compatible. It may have ben an age / maturity thing. It may have been the fact she was a spoilt, decadent being who subscribed wholly to the celebrity culutre I find disgusting. Her heroes were Jordan and Lily Allen! I find now looking back that time tinged with real sadness: the day we got back I discovered she'd messaged her ex. The beginning of the end.

Last Valentines day I went out and got horribly off my face, waking up next to a lovely girl who was simply not my type at all. However like the pathetic, spineless goon I am I spent the next four weeks trying to make it work before finally breaking her heart. That said facially she had something of 'Button Moon' about her..... I'm not shallow but I struggle to form meaningful relationships with people who look like props from a childrens TV series.

This Valentines day I shall spend alone (barring a miracle), bemoaning my luck. It's not luck of course, its all about charisma and charm. I have that when under the influence, but then when I'm sober I'm actually shy and quiet. You'd never believe it from the blipping would you?

However before all this moaning makes you want to go out and buy an Iceland meal for one, 56 paracetamols and a litre of vodka: I changed my mind a little looking at Dianas blip. Many others had gone and blipped hearts etc etc: I had a great little one lined up featuring my exs face between two broken hearts drawn on post it notes. I binned that off when I realised that I don't actually care about her at all. I know the things I liked about her and our relationship was the spoiling her, buying her things, taking her places and generally making sure her life was as pleasurable as possible. She did that for me to for a while, and its that I miss. Companionship, cuddles, kisses, the odd exchanged glance and just being half of something whole. I don't always play well with others but I tell you something: I've learned a lot of lessons since my weekend in Whitby and as you all know I've done some dubious things. I keep letting little glimpses of my fucked up logic on here, and you know more will keep coming out.

So Happy Valentines Day to everyone, singles, doubles even (I'm sure) the odd bizarre little trio (Im thinking Marlon, Paddy and that vet on Emmerdale). Like the girl on the link above says, just be happy with yourselves. I'm happy with myself, the only sad thing is I can't sit across the table in an expensive restuarant and tell myself how happy I am. With myself.

I could, but I'd probably get sectioned.

If I did have a date tongiht I think I'd play this although I suspect the feeling wouldn't be mutual.