Pumpkin

Well she's called Rascal, but I call her Pumpkin, or sometimes Pudding. I'm not sure why.

I caught her playing with some fluff or something at the right moment. Normally she looks evil on camera and sweet in real life. This cat gets pampered more than any pet I know. Sometimes if she is upstairs on my her England beanbag, I have to pick the whole beanbag up just to put her to bed in the kitchen.

Since I last blipped I have done the following: gone to Lee and Jackies, not drunk, eaten well, listened to tunes on youtube, come home, watched Lincolns goal at 1am on BBC 1, slept, got up, eaten week old bacon which tasted very odd, tried uploading this pic. That's it.

It's fairly hard to accomodate any amusing anecdotes when pretty much all you've done is eaten and slept. I did crank up some classic country much to the derision of my slightly more techno-headed friends. At one point we even had some joker called Olly Murs warbling on about some shit that never actually happened to him. My god does he sing about that passionately, if only he knew what the words meant. To be fair in any X factor generated song that isn't a cover, the words generally mean 'please buy this before my five minutes of fame turns into a check out job at Aldi'. I suppose that is slightly better than when the All Saints covered 'Under The Bridge' by a pre sell out Red Hot Chili Peppers. I imagine the following conversation never took place:

All Saint Bimbo #1: So I heard this great song we can cover and getto number one with called Under The Bridge

All Saint Bimbo #2: Is it a mushy love song like 'Never Ever'

All Saint Bimbo #1: Yeah. Its about being under a bridge down town. I reckon they're cudding or something, they give their lives to each other.

All Saint Bimbo#3: I like boys. I like shoes.

All Saint Bimbo #4: Lets do it. Lets cover it. Let massacre a great love song.

All Saint Bimbo#5: Oooh look, its The Devil Wears Prada being repeated on channel 4, lets get ice cream.

Record Exec: Ummm, girls? Its actually about heroin addicition and the subsequent slide into a nasty cycle of despair and agony.

Were there five? I remember four, there was usually a talented one, then the 'equal opportunities', (black, gay, south american, kooky, etc etc) followed by two lookers. That was the girl / boyband formula. Think about it. Sometimes they recruited a 'chubby' one to (Dane Bowers, Geri Helliwell, Barlow from Take That etc). It was a fairly set formula.

My favourite boyband were Bros. They didn't have an equal opportunites member I don't think. Just a pair of twins who looked like vampires and then that guy at the back who didn't sing or dance. He know runs EMI or something, so he did have the last laugh.

Where was I? Oh yeah X Factor, my god thats toss. They basically get fame hungry kids to go through a demoralising process of being ditched, one by one until that last over exposed gurning teen is crowned the winner. Cue quotes like 'my lifes dream' and Dermot trying hard to look like he actually cares about something other than a paypacket. Cheryl Cole is just happy to play the media darling whilst secretly supressing the evil thug that resides in her, Danni Minogue only goes so the make up department can hide that fact she is a guy in drag, for Louis Walsh managing 'the boys' is a lifetimes passion anyway and as for Cowell: don't even get me started. The most abhorrent man on TV, rude, arrogant and ultimately responsible for the cultural demise of our proud nation. Nowadys bands like The Pet Shop Boys or The Sex Pistols could never break through. Nowadays something different rarely sells. Why do you think Cowell picks a cover for every X Factor winner? Simple: It's the song that's selling not the artist. Case point: Gary Jules hit number one with 'Mad World' back in 2005 (i think), but it was the song that sold. Do you know who Gary Jules is? Perhaps you know of his back catalogue? I doubt it. However I bet you remember the song, because you knew it.

1: I know Gary Jules wasn't on X Factor, I was showing a point that a song can purely sell.

2: How can a 21 year old have a 'lifetimes dream', they're not even halfway through a 'lifetimes' dream. When I was 21 my dream would be 20k a year, a Golf GTI and Lincoln winning. Well I have that at present, but now I want a week in Florence with a nice girl and to shed about a stone.

3: The accusations above about Minogue being a man, Colé being a thug and Walsh being a pervy old gay man are all completely unfounded rumours based on nothing at all.

4: Cynical Cowell. You're a luxury laden, belt avoiding, smarmy, smug shit.

5: I was never really into the Pet Shop Boys, but again I was making a point. West End Girls was alright I suppose.

I realise its not on TV at the moment, but it will be again. Just like winter or a massive hangover or a visit to the inlaws, once it's not there anymore you know that at somepoint soon you will have to go through it again.