Mouse!

Down town to Frasers buy a new kettle. Look at that amazing light! I didn't tamper with it (well, not very much - that would have been gross). Anyway, home with said kettle. Despite some 'eco' credentials stamped on its packaging, it seems to continue boiling water well past melting point (of the metal). Perhaps it will settle down it time.
And then I saw the varmint again - mouse! As this is about the third time I've seen it, I'm now inclined to believe that it is in fact a real mouse and it is in fact living under my roof. And from past experience, mouses do not just appear by themselves. They are not solitary smelly creatures like the postie who drinks in the diggers. They are sociable randy little fekkers that breed and breed.
They've met their match in me though. Neither a cat nor a dog, nor some sort of stupid bird, I am an ape, little mouse. A tool using hominid, no less, who, when not using his tool, is more than a match for any mouse. You have been warned.