In joke - another life

You sometimes forget that a loved one has a life outside your sphere with them. Today, I found an album of photos and captions given to B when she left a job she had really enjoyed about 10 years ago. I know the place where she worked and what the job was but this has been a fascinating insight into how her colleagues viewed her and what fun she bought into their working lives. We expect quite a few of these colleagues (many of whom became her friends) to come to the funeral and wake so I'm going to put the album out and ask them about the stories and their memories of her. (I found out so much positive stuff I did not know about my Dad at his funeral and I'm expecting the same with B.)

Today has been a mixed day but mainly hard. It started well, and with some relief, with my office agreeing to allow me to take this week as unpaid leave. It will be a full month away from the office before I go back and that's a lot to shoulder on my behalf by my colleagues.

I then had my hair cut, which was relaxing but a little early in the day as it turned out. Then I met my brother at B's and I did some more packing and a couple of charity shop runs with hundreds of books. It was really muggy and I got pretty hot and bothered.

Just as I was leaving, N and C turned up. N seemed really withdrawn and distant, which didn't surprise me but did sadden me. He wasn't concerned about the order of service. That's probably when my day changed.

C landed from Aus at midday and went to Brackley. I had intended to go and see him but when I got home I just wanted to collapse into bed and cry and sleep and cry some more. Which I did. I woke again at 8pm had a shower and then got on the phone to R who said that A wanted a different hymn to the ones we'd chosen for the order of service so I did some texting to the others and we're all agreed now. Phew!

I must say today has been the worst day but I guess possibly the best too as I have actually been feeling something, albeit painful, sad feelings which ordinarily I'd try to run and hide from. But I know I can't hide from them and do need to embrace them so that it doesn't all start to fester inside.