At peace.

Spent most of the day at the hospital today. Mum was talking when dad and I got there last night which was good but she was exhausted and in pain. This morning she was even worse, not in any pain because of the drugs which was good but at first she would try and say something when someone spoke to her but really it was like she was unconscious. She was pretty much just breathing and that was it.

Craig, Tia and Shelly were over there already by the time dad and I got there. The doctor came through and said that he would up the morphine as soon as everyone who wanted to come see her had been and then it probably wouldn't be too long.

Mum's friend Jan came over and stayed for a bit then Nik arrived with Jules. We didn't know whether Nana (mum's mum) would want to see her or would want to remember her how she was 2 weeks ago when nana last saw her and she looked better. Craig, shell and I went over to nanas house and Aunty Kay was there. Nana decided she did want to come to say goodbye so we all went back to the hospital.

Mum didn't really look like mum. She was yellow, her face so skinny and drawn, her mouth open trying to breathe and her eyes half open. It's hard to believe that it's only 6 weeks since she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We were hoping that she had another month even, just to enjoy it a bit more, go away with dad for a few nights to Lakes Entrance, we could get some nice photos of her with the kids so they can remember her.

We all went over the shell's house for tea and it was great being together. We had a talk about funeral homes then dad got a call saying that mum's breathing had become worse and we should come in if we wanted to see her.

We all got ready, then when we were half way in dad got another call to say she was gone. A lovely nurse was with her at then end which was good. I was ok at not being there at the end because it wasn't really mum there, she doesn't look like that, she is the happy lady who loves playing board games and doing puzzles and playing with all her grand kids.

We hung around for half an hour but then packed up her things and left. Craig, Tia and Shell went over to Nana's house to tell her in person and be there for her. She is 93 and has already lost one of her kids about 8 years ago. Mum was the baby of the family, only 59.

It all happened so quick. 3 months ago we knew something was wrong because she couldn't eat and looking back dad reckons that she had been a bit funny for 2 months before that but he didn't know if it was related to the stroke or what. Then it was just a waiting game after she was diagnosed 6 weeks ago. We were hoping she had a few months but the cancer grew too quick.

Dad, Nik and I came home, lit the open fire, put some of mum's favourite music on, turned out the lights and chatted by the light of the open fire. That's something mum and dad used to do. It was nice.