Just fabulous

This photo of B is very unusual. First of all, she has all her teeth :-) Second, she's clearly wearing some very smart clothes (possibly even a dress) including a very stylish hat (and not a gardening hat) and third, she is quite clearly allowing the photographer (my Dad I think) to take a proper portrait, without gurning! All of these things were virtually unheard of and this photo is one of my faves as a result of its uniqueness. It's in a frame on the chest of drawers in my bedroom and belonged to my father before me.

Today was much quieter and more reflective than recent days. Mind you I had a manic dream about being lost in a strange city in America last night, ending up in some sort of gross rubbish dump of a bunkhouse in a service station near a MacDonalds with some random people and my youngest brother, then going into the countryside where loads of people lived in holes in the ground to try to survive by catching fish in all the lakes. Felt like some kind of dystopian future and I didn't like it one bit, though it wasn't an actual nightmare. I guess it's not unsurprising given the shock and upheaval of the last few days.

I need to be careful though. I ate a packet of Jaffa cakes for breakfast and that is a slippery slope I do not want to go down. Mind you, quite why O brought them with her yesterday I do not know. I'm sure I don't look like I need feeding up.

I had planned on swimming today but put it off partly through lethargy and partly as it has turned a little cooler. I've even got a blanket on the bed and the window shut at the mo.

I went to see S (and E) for lunch and coffee. It was good to spend time with an old friend who knows me well and is so supportive. (Darn. I've just remembered S gave me some beautiful, sunny sunflowers and I've left them in the car. Typical of my scatter brain at present.) Anyway, I had a moment in the car while listening to Ellie Goulding's beautiful and haunting song 'How long will I love you?' It reminded me how much I love B and I also thought about N and how much he loves her too and how he must be hurting all those miles away in Africa :-(

I then had an hour's drive to the head shrink. I'd forewarned him of events and he listened well. He reassured me of the 'loss curve' and explained the stages of loss - shock, relief, denial, anger, depression, acceptance and recovery. He said it usually takes about two years to go through the process. I'm definitely still in shock right now.

I then bought a couple more swim hats as mine has a tear in it. When I got home I lay down to listen to Deadringers and the Archers and then decided I'd get an early night.

My brother has just rung with the good news that a local cats' trust has agreed to take in B's two elderly cats, which is a great weight off all of our minds.

(I had that indigestion thing again where I get really bad pain for about 10 minutes and now I know to expect that I will then be sick so I got a bucket and sure enough it happened. Then, as with all the other episodes, I'm fine. This is about the fifth time this year and it seems to be different circumstances each time. I should probably go back to the doctor about it, I guess)