Day 113

I helped with an Easter celebration for children this morning at church. I had not been looking forward to it but it was all rather good in the end - lots of cuddles with babies!

I felt a bit disliked at the end and as I cycled off to pick up a prescription, I worked myself up more and more about being ok. As ever. Except I am just so convinced that I am getting better and am coping well with so much more. It's all rather stressful.

I was antisocial and headed straight up to bed once I had got home. I played on the iPad a bit but then decided I really would like to sleep.

I slept until it was time to tutor. I guess tutoring was ok, although I spent a long time trying to work out what was going on and possibly confusing her more. Never mind. I did what I could. No use worrying about it now.

And straight on to church for leader's meeting. That was fun. We were getting an overview of the part of Acts that we will be studying next term. There were some good encouraging bits in there, reminding me of gospel truths. Always good.

I had been adamant that I would go home and not stay for the church family prayer meeting. I never go because I don't feel comfortable going and today especially I didn't want to go as I thought the topic of 'coping with long term illnesses' would provoke additional anxiety in me. But once I was at church I thought, why not give it a go? I could always leave before the end. I didn't have to pray out loud. And there were comfortable chairs so I could keep myself more relaxed.

My anxiety levels did get quite high but I stayed and even told everyone a bit of what I struggle with!! What has happened to me? I'm so unshy compared to my old self!

Of course, I am quite anxious that coping with the prayer meeting is more evidence that I am fine. Ahhh, help!

I was antisocial afterwards as I waited for a lift. I didn't have the energy or inclination to make conversation and quite happily just sat there waiting to go home. In ages past I would have done anything not to look like the odd one out but I really didn't care. Probably a good thing? People did sort of come over to where I was though making me feel like I was quite popular (even though I just didn't want to chat).

I'm tired now and don't feel very well.