Day 112

I babysat this afternoon and then spent the rest of the day with Bibs. I didn't have much energy but felt ok mood wise a lot of the time I think. There were times of anxiety, guilt and lowness though.

Whilst Joshua was sleeping, I think I got a bit sad/worked up but sort of just distracted myself I think. I don't know.. I am now feeling quite worried I might be really ok....

Today did have the momentous moment where I managed to break down this big, scary notion of work into the idea of tutoring part time which somehow seems a million times less daunting! And I realised that the tutoring I am doing at the moment voluntarily is helping me towards that. I am not even too scared of being paid for it like I have been. I think I have readjusted my expectations of a tutor which helps a lot!

Not looking forward to tomorrow but can't be bothered to think about it or dread it. Just take it as it comes...