Arrrrrrgh

Why is it these things never seem to work together along with the computer?

"The paper is not loaded correctly" .......... yes it bl**dy is
"Your ink needs replaced" ............. no it doesn't - you just tell me it does before it is empty"I have printed your picture at 1/2 size for no reason" ........ thank you very much!!!!!
"I have pulled in your last piece ofspeciality paper and chewed it up" ..... Ha feckin Ha

and other such delights