Day 73

Everything feels pretty hopeless at the moment. I seemed to have got really scared about being ill or in pain in the future.

I had quite a nice evening with Helen but that just confuses me. I felt very sluggish though and am really quite worried I am coming down with a virus. We played some games and did some knitting.

Another thing on my mind is maybe if I worked more then I would feel better? But then that isn't what the psychiatrist and GP advised. Although I think the psychiatrist maybe wanted me to build up how much voluntary stuff I was doing. And I seem to be going backwards with that at the moment. I can't be bothered to go but that's probably just laziness.

And a lot of the problem is probably spiritual so then it is probably pointless seeing the GP but I made an appointment to see her as I feel like I can't cope...I'm so confused and full of guilt and despair. Ahhhhh!

God loves me. He knit me together in my mother's womb (psalm 139:13). And John 6:37 suggests He is not going to let go of me. I might be all over the place but that does not change God's opinion of me. He isn't going to just drop me. I'm scared, but He is holding onto me.

One good thing is I did manage to get up at Hoover the house this morning. That was exhausting but glad I did it.