Day 74

I have not felt as bad as I did today for a long time.

I'm confused. I miss Lucy. I have been very worried about getting ill. I am scared of dying and of eternity. Trying to hold on to the truths: it is by faith alone in Christ alone that I am saved and the bible does promise eternity will be very good. I feel full of guilt. I feel hopeless but what can anyone do? That just makes me feel more hopeless.

I feel bad speaking to my GP. I feel like I would be going against God. Why? I don't know. I think I have decided things are my fault. Why? Again, I'm unsure.

I guess I worry that it's just spiritual but then I remember Bekah telling me that atheists didn't feel like this. There is the issue of me being troubled by unpleasant thoughts- that's OCD. And me being so sad because of them - depression. Definite psychological issues, not just spiritual.