Day 68

A day of ups and downs. I was so tired this morning so escaped to sleep for half of it. I was going to go to bed in the afternoon as well but then Beka invited me on a walk with them. Really glad I went. I had some worries but it was mostly good. And the lake was beautiful. I got a bit upset by my muddiness but coped a lot better than I might have done. Things began to go downhill when we got back though. I ended up running away to my room during dinner.

What is going on in my head?
-lots of different people being sad around me which bothers me because
--people being in more difficult situations than me
--not wanting them to be sad
--feeling like people are showing them care but not me
--basically I am wanting to be 'special'
-feeling unloved by people but rationally it might just be:
--they have their own problems
--they don't realise I want help
--others are in more need of help than me
--they don't know what to say
--they think they are helping
--they know I have a lot of friends
-overwhelmed by all the people
--but it's not for much longer
-being ready for Jesus' return scares me
--Jesus, please help me
--faith, not works is how we are saved
-giving my life to Jesus
--Jesus, please help me
--faith, not works again!
-doom and gloom ahead
--God is a loving God, his way is best
-Lucy

I read Isaiah 55 again and prayed and felt very loved by God. That helped a lot :)