Day 20

Another very hard day. Didn't want to wake up. Felt guilty and anxious about living to please God. Struggled in my head to balance this with being saved by grace not works. Couldn't leave home quick enough - was very irritable and emotional. Felt close to despair at times on my train journey (I took the photo while moving which is why it is all blurry). Things felt less painful once I had arrived back in Cambridge and was in church.

Once home in the evening I was quite productive which led to the obvious worries about being ok. I tried to watch some iplayer but felt a bit guilty about that. After that I decided to try to sleep as I just didn't want to be awake. I struggled to relax for quite some time though.