Pants!

They were given with the best of intentions......honestly. There was absolutely no innuendo in my giving jogging pants to an octogenarian for his birthday.

You see I had already given an early present of a camera to His Lordship, but I thought it would be nice for him to open a present while he was tucking into his birthday cake, and why not comfortable jogging pants to wear of a winter evening or even on exiting a tent en route to the showers on a camping trip.

Well, if you had noticed the look of eager anticipation on his face as he tore open the wrapping, turning to disappointment and ill concealed horror as he discovered what the parcel contained, your hearts too would have sunk like bricks. It was like seeing one of your small children receive an unwanted gift.

Here was someone, a man of some sartorial elegance, obviously insulted by an outfit he considers - quote -" the garment of choice for incontinent old men who shuffle around in carpet slippers and who prize comfort above looks".

No amount of my promoting any advantages for their wear could compensate for the insult, imposed on a cyclist with a fresh 80miles under his wheels; and why grey he asked, when I was the one who always complained he didn't do colour?

They are being returned this morning to the shop from whence they came.