Okay Bye

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Briar is an echidna.

By which I mean she is inscrutable. She defies all attempts to understand her through scrutiny. If you attempt a bit of scrutinisation on her, she scampers away laughing. She is beyond scrut.

"You are a riddle wrapped in an enigma," I once told her. 

"Ew!" she replied.

I'm not sure what her problem with the word "enigma" is. This is what I mean. Briar has some very strong opinions on things for reasons that are never fully explained.

"Okay. You are a riddle wrapped in an echidna," I said. 

"That's better," she replied.

She has similar feelings about mint flavoured things. 

"Mint is THE DEVIL'S POISON," she explained. 

Hot chocolate is the only hot drink she will drink. She doesn't like coffee and does not drink tea. Olly tried to find out if she had tried different flavours of tea today.

"Elderflower?"
"I don't know I don't drink tea."
"Chamomile?"
"I don't know I don't drink tea."
"Red bush?"
"Ew!"

You see? Briar gets triggered by specific words. But not by others. For example, I bought her a t-shirt from the Crab Shack restaurant saying, "Got Crabs? We do!" 

She thought this was hilarious. I asked her if she was going to wear her "I've got crabs" t-shirt. And she took great delight in pointing out that it said, "We've Got Crabs". 

"We've all got little PETS," she said, with indecent glee.

Indecent glee is a Briar thing. If I ask her where Fazzy and Olly are, she will shout, "THEY'RE DEAD!" at me with such delight that she laughs out loud.

"I'm going to miss that laugh," said Luke. 

It is unique to Briar. It mixes utter malevolence with Disney cartoon character sweetness. It is indefinable and uniquely Briar.

I had the delight of experiencing it first thing this morning. I saw her at the opposite end of the central corridor. For some reason she put her hands up, like a squirrel or a meerkat and looked at me. 

I looked back at her.

Then we galloped toward each other like we were riding imaginary horses. 

I am unsure why. But it made her laugh. 

You will also hear that laugh when you tell her you're going into a meeting. "Okay bye," she will say with complete monotone indifference, immediately turning away from you, leaving you dismissed. 

Then that same Briar giggle.

Fazzy, Olly and I have spent a long time trying to figure Briar out, then given up and just appreciate her for who she is. Perhaps Luke has the best approach. He just sits on her and violates her personal space. 

She HATES that. But loves it from Luke, because Luke. 

Today Olly, Luke and I had one last day of office fun with her. We took her to the Crab Shack at lunchtime so she could wear her t shirt and claim we all had crabs. "And Symon was the one who gave it to me!" 

We met Jess there and had fun chat over burgers and seafood and fries.  

We discussed several things. Briar's karaoke performance. Her favourite ice-cream flavours* and Married At First Sight. The conversation carried on, all the way back to the office.

In between the crabs and ice-cream chat, Briar made a confession. 

"I cried first thing this morning," she said. But we did not dwell on the subject. Briar does not dwell. She drops these things into conversation and into texts but no dwelling. But then she scampers away. 

On to the next.

But I understood. I was also very sad this morning. On the train, I was thinking about what I would say in this blog entry. About how much this peculiar little echidna has come to mean to me. 

I love her, you know.

After all, it was Briar who messaged me THROUGHOUT the Siberian Exile that was my time at KiwiW*nk. She lifted my spirits by messaging me daily and making me cake and meeting me for lunch.

It was Briar who got me back to Kāinga Ora by attaching herself to a manager and nagging him and nagging him until he gave in.

It was Briar and Olly and Fazzy who cared about me when I had to go to the UK to see my dad, and helped cheer me up when I got back.

And it's Briar who, despite her evasive instincts and guarded behaviour, trusts me enough to let me in to her head. Sometimes. Whenever she does it, I feel special. Like a wild bird has landed in my hand.

Actually, Briar reminds me of Colin. You remember Colin? The friendly blackbird who would follow me about?** 

Colin was my friend, I know. But I was never allowed to get too close. I would talk to him and give him biscuits. He would cock his head at me and hop around my feet. And he brightened my days and made me laugh and smile. Just like Briar. 

But if I ever got too close, he would scamper away. He trusted me. But only at arm's length. 

I think Briar is a little like that. She loves and trusts us. But she keeps us at arm's length. I do not question why.

She is an echidna.

After lunch, Briar handed in her laptop and phone.

"And your chargers?" I suggested.

She looked at me like I was the world's biggest idiot. Which is fair enough.

We all got Brugs from her. Me, Luke and Olly. I had to go into a meeting, which was just as well, because I felt like I had something in my eye.

And Briar scampered away like a blackbird with a biscuit. 

Okay bye.

S.

* "Neopolitan is POINTLESS because you eat the strawberry, then the vanilla and then THROW the chocolate away!" 

** I haven't seen him for a few months. I am hoping this is because food is plentiful and he flapped away to a fruit orchard.