So This Is Romance

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

What HAVEN'T I talked about at all so far this year? 

What do I ALWAYS talk about at this time of year??

Yes! That's right! MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT AUSTRALIA!

I'm so sorry. I'm sure you've been waiting.

The FOBs are not watching. "We'll just follow your updates," said Olly who is secretly obsessed with MAFS but does not want to admit it to her husband. Nevertheless, she always asks me all about it. 

The show - which always attracts its fair share of complete toolspanks and nob-jockeys - seems to have outdone itself this year. We've had not one, but TWO couples where the men agree that they have to be MEN doing MEN things like PROTECTING WOMEN and SQUATS and um OTHER MEN THINGS.

"And women have to be comfortable being women," they add*.

Fortunately for the men, they were married to women who simperingly declared that despite being POWERFUL, CONFIDENT AND SUCCESSFUL women, they nevertheless wanted to SERVE their men. 

This was accompanied by shots of one woman puttering around in the kitchen. Doing PROPER WOMAN THINGS. The other woman walked down the street congratulating herself on being so hot, but also protesting that she wasn't JUST hot. "I went to university and have a corporate career," she went on. "Plus I'm a former yoga teacher and model and cheerleader and netball coach."

She said that most men were not at her level which is why she was still single. Her matched groom also said he'd had no luck meeting a woman who was as intelligent as he was yet also as pretty as she needed her to be. "It's just not fair to ask that of someone," he said, understandingly.

"I like to describe myself as a Multidimensional Mortal," he added with not even a slight smirk of p*ss-takery.

"I've spent a lot of time on personal development," he reassures us. "I've confronted things that most people are afraid of."

"I can change a tap," he says, by way of example. "And I can move heavy things from one place to another."

Form a queue, ladies. 

Fortunately the Comedy Gods smiled upon us and Nob Couple #1 broke up within two days. She was too old for him on account of being exactly the same age. Poor Perfect God of a Man swanned off, leaving the woman behind in her kitchen serving precisely no bugger. 

Nob Couple #2 seemed to be in trouble within minutes of meeting. "He's not blondeeeeee," whined Too Hot Lady. She explained that she would have trouble relating to children that were not blonde like her because genetics.

She went to university and has a corporate career, you know. 

Anyway. Things went from bad to worse when he didn't offer her his jacket because HE was cold. This caused her to cry but fortunately for the Multidimensional Being, he assumed this was because she was overwhelmed by his awesomeness.

It's an easy mistake to make.

However, things were looking up by the end of the episode. He explained that the Corporate World was just ONE of the dimensions within which he existed. "Plus I can do squats," he said. 

She was TERRIBLY impressed. Squats! Good lord! Inconceivable! Etc!

But then he dropped her on her *rse when he tried to dip her on the dance floor. So I'm not sure how they will fare from here on.

It's not all bad though. There have been some really nice "awwwww" couples and some people we actually liked.  

I do not yet know if it will match the heights of last year's show. It is highly likely we will not get a Lucinda this year. But it seems possible that there will be some couples we can cheerlead. 

Not as well as former cheerleader @rsehole lady obviously, but you can't have everything.

S.   

* Washing THE MEN'S undies and tucking THE MEN into beddy-bye at night and other GIRL things, one presumes.