A funny thing happened on the way to the hospital

On a day when Ottawa got its heaviest rainfall ever, I was silently congratulating myself on having seeded the back lawn at the weekend when Mrs Ottawacker walked in to the office to talk. The subject was, as it has been for a while, about when we were going to get in touch with the children’s hospital to press for an ultrasound for Ottawacker Jr’s elbow. It had, after all, been some five weeks since our doctor had sent in the request.

“It’s been long enough since the requisition was sent,” she said. “It’d be a great idea if you followed up.”

Despite the fact that she had climbed the stairs, phone in hand, gone into her office, come back out, gone back downstairs to get some water and then come back up again, all on the way to ask me to do something she could have done walking up the stairs, I smiled nicely and said “yes dear”.

I am appalling on the phone. I am either overly deferential or completely unreasonable: there is no middle ground. So, for her to ask me to call somebody important, there must have been some sort of good reason.
I got through to CHEO surprisingly easy, and spoke with a pleasant and helpful woman at the ultrasound department. I asked after the requisition and wondered whether an appointment might be forthcoming sometime soon. She took all the required details and checked on her computer.

“We’ve not received a requisition for your son,” she said. “The only thing in our system is a stomach ultrasound in 2022.” Mentally reminding myself that we had taken Ottawacker Jr in because of stomach pains in a fit of panic – only to find he had been hiding his vegetables under the table and was constipated – I asked her to check again. I gave the social insurance number again, phone number, every number I could think of… I was just about to start reciting Pi when she confirmed again that the hospital had received no requisition form from our doctor. “It simply hasn’t been sent,” she said.

Now, for the past week, we have been on at our doctor to follow up on our behalf (unsuccessfully). I felt a nudge from the doctor’s office might carry more weight than a call from a frustrated parent. The doctor’s office had, consistently, failed to agree. So, it was with a slightly miffed air that I texted them to ask what was going on. I won’t repeat what I wrote as it might portray me in a bad light. I’ve not had an answer yet.
Honestly, seeking medical assistance in Ontario is like being in a third-world country. If it’s not the government screwing things up, it’s the doctor’s office demonstrating unparalleled levels of ineptitude. This is only an ultrasound for an elbow ligament – but it’s not hard to imagine that this sort of shit happens for more serious illnesses too.
Anyway, Ottawacker Jr is still sick and might be getting worse. He even missed his football this evening, a sure sign that things are not well.