The Evidence.......

I was threatened with grievous bodily injury if I managed to get anything on my shirt today...............
Sunday - I was serving up the roast potatoes and managed to drop one back into the dish and got fat splashed up the front of my new shirt.
Yesterday -  I managed to drip melted ice cream on the collar of my other new shirt.
Tonight she hands me a chocolate covered ice cream - I took a bite from right at the top and the damned thing exploded. I saved you skin by managing to catch it all in my mouth .... and nearly choked to death on it.
SWMBO nearly wet herself laughing while I coughed, spluttered, chocked, lost all sight due to the watering eyes and took a massive coughing attack. But at least I managed to avoid serious bodily harm by not getting anything on my shirt.