Front path

 Becoming obliterated by geraniums!

My day started with a sad exchange of messages from Deb, as her mother has passed away after a harrowing couple of weeks.
The day stayed sad and stressful. 

B has been so poorly today. I’m hoping he just used all his energy yesterday. This morning he was subdued and didn’t give any orders about what he wanted to do before the carer came. Breathing is shallower and harder for him, and he has no strength at all just getting on or off the chair or bed. He’s eaten nothing except a small bowl of ice cream, even turned down pies and mash that James offered to collect on his way over. 

James, by his own admission has been sinking himself in work and blocking everything! We talked about Peter’s visit and the eulogy he had written and I just mentioned that I had chosen the music that will be played as people leave when the funeral is finished. That was the thing that broke him. A song from their childhood, and so special to the five of us, and I have a recording of B singing it. Floods of tears. 

I did crumple this evening when he said he wanted to go to a hospice where the care was ‘proper’ and called Daniel, who calmed me down and then spoke to his dad. It’s all ok now, and to be honest B has forgotten most of what preempted it, but he has been more confused today. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s asked what day it is.

Here’s hoping he picks up tomorrow.