Still blooming

The solitary bee orchid in the lawn. 

A real up and down day today. B was slightly better first thing, and improved more after a zoom call with a friend. 
I had phoned the community nurses and asked for advice on his diminishing breathing. They sent a nurse to give him an injection , not sure what of! When Phillip arrived, B was predictably better, having just had meds. Phillip said he didn’t need the injection yet. An hour later and B was down again. 

It’s the up and down through the day that is hard. What to give when? He did however go to bed and slept for an hour. I couldn’t leave him though, so for the third day Dog didn’t get a walk. I threw the ball in the garden for a while instead. 

I am still not sure if I am angry or sad or just confused, but when Maxine, our regular carer retuned to work today, she gave me bits of advice and said that they had been discussing whether B should have an evening call as well. We all know how much he doesn’t like having a carer at all and he point blank said he didn’t need it. Personally I can’t see the point yet either, but as she was leaving she said to me ‘ I hear you’re struggling’! ‘Am I?’ I replied, and she said that’s what had been said. I was stunned! I thought I was doing ok! Certainly better than I would have thought I was capable of. It’s bothered me all day. What do ‘they’ mean? Am I not doing things right? Am I not caring enough? Am I not caring properly? Am I too emotional?Not emotional enough? What does ‘struggling’ actually mean? 
I am going to ask her in what context tomorrow!