Wednesday

Starbank Park. 

The aim of the hospital team has been to get me back to some form of normal. Through chatting, extra meds, Decider Skills, and encouragement to fill my days. A lot of them talk about volunteering and 3 wks ago it seemed impossible. As it's such a big team I have seen several different people. I have seen 2 woman several times and each time they have given me a glimmer of hope, just in the way they are and what we talk about. They are the only ones that have managed to do that. 

So today I met the head of the volunteers at Starbank Park and talked about doing some garden volunteering. They are there Wed and Sat mornings; you can do both, or just one. I'll aim for this Saturday. 
I'm just not entirely sure why I am doing it . My therapist said she would consider taking me back on, on certain conditions. And them being continued for a significant amount of time. Don't know if I am doing it purely for this. 

Although this is all happening I feel numb. Normally I would have been nervous about going this morning, but I just didn't have the ability to feel anything. I still don't. Still feeling like this isn't real and I'm not really here.