Thursday

This morning I went for a walk with a friend. A horrible one it was. 
We got a coffee and sat on a bench and the serious conversation from her started. She says she is scared for me, worried about me and feels like she walks through a thunderstorm every time she sees me. She says I have changed so much in a few months. She also implied that if we hadn't been friends for so long ( 33yrs) she would walk away, but she knows I only have her and she would feel guilty. I told her if she wants to walk away, walk away. 

This afternoon I walked myself thinking and crying. I am scared of myself, I hate how I am, but I don't know how to control everything. 
There really is no point in me being here .