Christmas Eve ...

Today happy news dr Walter has been (having had as much pain relief as I had I thought it was a wind up for a split second as he was the double of my husbands friend)

Dr Walter is a hero I think I might ask to see him if I have to go to my drs in the future (you never seem to see the same dr twice these days do you!!!)

Well he ran through lots of tests which the ambulance crew didn't and he advises the lump n bumps which have surfaced are pressure nodules aggregated by my lengthy period in bed. So now time to move as much as is poss to disburse them as they are not a good thing to have.

So I am having a little walk around using the hiking pole as advised.

I was so excited to move I have been downstairs to see my beloved pooches and especially sweep after his massive op. I have to face facts - neither of them gave a hoot I have been missing for six days.

The pooches are more ecstatic that the Valle D'oro hAve been round with a bucket of spare chicken and steak for them.

Hero dr advises I am able to go to D'oro for my Christmas dinner in fact the more I move around the better. I love him. He was a young n funky dr - which means I'm getting old.

I thought I would be walking round all day but after my flying visit downstairs I came back to bed and slept for an hour!!!! It was quite exhausting.

Husband finished off his Christmas shopping this morning. He fetched the christmas meat from the butchers. They thought up a joke to play on me that I grabbed one of the butchers in an inappropriate place last week when I was tipsy - husband tried it when he got home but I was so distraught he confessed it was a joke straight away. I would NEVER have gone there ever again if that had happened.

Husband has wrapped all his pressies this afternoon with fun tunes on.

My forever amazing friend Louis has the most horrendous cold she sent me a piccie we are competing with each other on who can look the worse haha. She has been amazing keeping my christmas spirits up. I hope she feels better soon she loves Christmas Day.

Dales has been amazing too i was very happy after her visit yesterday. Today she sent a fabulous piccie of this amazing cake her eldest daughter has made.

Aunty Claire has sent a piccie of her very festive sweetie pile

My cousin Sarah is as usual running exceptionally late. She is apparently just this hour starting a painting on canvas for her boyfriend as his Christmas present she is ALWAYS late and puts so much pressure on herself. She is also trying to make a table display. BUT on both counts whatever she does it will be truly awesome she is the most talented creative person I know. I told her she does not need to make a table display. Any table with her sat at it would look stunning. She truly resembles a goddess (except after half a bottle of gin - then the goddess look can go downhill quite rapidly - she won't mind me saying that).

I'm very jealous of everyone being with loved ones, cooing over creative things, sipping mulled wine, walking dogs, having a cheeky one at the pub, over indulging in naught foods. I could feel very sorry for myself. I am missing these things but I think I am going to use this time as a wake up call. It's time to spend the next year chilling, pacing myself, focussing on me, slowing life down a notch.

All this to me sounds highly self indulgent and selfish but if I spent as much time investing in myself and what I think is important then I'm sure life will be far more relaxed and even maybe make everyone else happier

I have decided I spend far too much time worrying and giving myself ridiculous goal posts that aren't actually for me achievable. I spend a lot of time feeling guilty. I feel guilty that I do not work. I feel guilty that my husband does (he's a complete workaholic). If I work I get ill with fibro. He is so proud he can provide for us so I can be at home. But I feel very guilty that I can't sit still I always feel I should be working my butt off to validify me bring at home. I have worked for 23 years so i know the effort involved. I also feel I should be available whenever anyone wants. I feel guilty when I'm not free.

Next year I won't be free so much. I'm going to do walking, cycling, training Blu, nursing sweep, looking after my husband, gardening, conquer my fears and have a holiday in the sun with my man. That would be so amazing. And spending lots of time with good friends chilling. Enjoying. Not running through life at a million miles an hour on nervous energy achieving lots remembering nothing.

It's time Josephine to smell the roses

It was one of the other men in my life's birthday yesterday. My cousin mark - I wanted to surprise him and arrive ta daaaa. He will forgive me he always will.

I will make it up to him. I always do.

Family n friends you are my world. And now I'm going to put me right up there on that pedestal with you.

I am already dreaming of my make up bag... I am definitely on the mend.