Slow moving

This was actually from last night when Claire and I decided to sort out the children’s stationery drawers.

Before that I’d gone to the loo, opened the door to the dark landing to come out, only to face P and J, standing silently in the black. My heart stopped, shock of my life - they’d been put to bed and gone to sleep 45 minutes earlier! I almost thought I was seeing ghosts. (They’d ‘has a bad thought’ and had ‘dried skin on my knee’...)

In a contrasting, but somewhat similar situation, I was sharply awoken this morning by the two of them bounding in and jumping onto me. Very cute, but I didn’t take it so well! I was so sleepy and the feeling didn’t really go away all morning. I was struggling: kind of zoned out, drained, desperate for bed. Reading to the girls in the library felt far too much. (For the record, I don’t think this was the result of them waking me up just 25 minutes early!)

Ironically I actually felt pretty awake by the time I was able to go for a nap. And also nervous. It’s this ridiculous GP attachment we have going on. I’m seeing her tomorrow, you see, and the nerves have decided to rule even further in advance than before. Grr. It is bearable (today) but just a bit worrying.

I don’t even understand why I feel so nervous about it, but it’s certainly a pattern. I’m meant to be working on that for Brent, the counsellor. But so far, not much insight.

I’m not going to have finished my homework for the GP and while that would be a potential reason to feel apprehensive, I’m just not bothered by it! The homework is to find a psalm that says how I feel. I’ve only got through the first fifty or so thus far.

The one I was reading this morning was all about giving praise to God. I feel like my attitude towards the day has been far more ‘bleurgh’ than praising. But of course there are many reasons to praise God: cute children and their love for me, hospitality of the parents, their acceptance of me, a nap, nice food, beautiful creation and most of all Jesus dying so that, by his blood, my sinful nature is forgiven and I can live with him in glory forever. A glory that far outweighs any pain and dullness in this fleeting life.

I write while on the train home. I’m not very good at using time on trains to do much useful. So much I could do, but so little will I do! There are a lot of delays but I did at least get a little bit of work done, rather than completely wasting the time.