Broken heart

Did the radio show............... it seemed to go okay.

At the end of the show, Cheryl asked if I was in a hurry, could we do coffee ?

We did coffee.

Over coffee she told me, they are immigrating to Ireland, they will be gone by June.  And, they will be shutting down the radio station.

Just like that, a big part of my world - GONE !

She told me all about their plans,  she is taking her Mom.  She suggested I do the same. The future in South Africa........ is BLACK.   And "we" are NOT black.

I know she is right !

Somewhat shell shocked, I arrived home and then phoned home - I needed a HUG !  It was a short conversation, actually there was no hugging............. all I asked was, would she come with ?

Her answer, actually surprised me.   YES !

One of the reasons I had never really seriously contemplated immigrating, I couldn't leave her behind.  I think part of me, has been waiting for her to pass on, before making a move.

In that moment, I decided - WE HAVE TO LEAVE. 

I have absolutely no idea, where to start, what to do or whether I am strong enough, brave enough, "rich" enough......to make this move.

Part of me thinks I am NOT.

Maybe I am not uncomfortable enough...........

But, what will South Africa be like in 20 years time, when I am an old lady.

Mom will be gone.

So will most of the people I grew up with and the bits and pieces of my not so close, extended family. 

Many of them are already gone or GOING ! 

I will be MORE THAN UNCOMFORTABLE.

It's not the crime, it the absence of everything else. 

No public transport, no social support, pretty much no government support.

Yes, you can have everything, at a price.

Private medical aid, private security, private TV, private postal service, private schools......

Yes, the weather is great, the scenery is fabulous and the lifestyle is good.

But that lifestyle depends on those private payers, to continue existing.

Will it ?

I spend an inordinate amount of time at the gym.  Anyone can be a member. Gym members come in different shapes, sizes and colours.  But having said that....... the classes I go to, are predominantly older white ladies.  The black members of the gym, don't do yoga, step or zumba, they also DON'T swim.

The white ladies won't be there............... what will the gym look like ?

Assuming I can afford it.

My heart is BROKEN... CRY MY BELOVED COUNTRY. 

If I want a future, I have to pull it together and leave - sooner, rather than later.  

Step number 1 - get a British passport. 

Thank you Daddy, for gifting me with this option.