A Diet of Worms

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

ON A HOT SUMMER NIGHT, WOULD YOU OFFER YOUR THROAT TO THE WOLF WITH THE RED ROSES?

You may take it from Meatloaf that this was another day of Spring Cleaning in the flat. This is because we have a flat inspection coming up and we wish to do nothing which might upset Miranda our landlady, even though she left the world's most terrifying jobbie in our toilet when we first moved in.

Fortunately, we have stocked up on Classic Rock which is getting us through the horrendous experience of - 

TIL NOW I ALWAYS GOT BY ON MY OWN - I NEVER REALLY CARED UNTIL I MET YOOOOOOUUU

- Sorry that was Er Indoors going past with the Hoover.

As for me, I tidied the kitchen and mopped the floors - 

WHATEVER WE DENY OR EMBRACE FOR WORSE OR FOR BEEEE-TTER

And while I was doing this, I was of course singing along. I was grateful for the music because I've been trying to banish an earworm that has been stuck with me for 24 hours now. It is my belief that this "song" is the most Powerful Earworm Known To Man.

It is all Er Indoors's fault. She brought the product (as seen in my photo) into the house yesterday. I didn't even know they still MADE this stuff but as soon as I saw - 

IT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO 
DO THE SHAKE AND VAC 
AND PUT THE FRESHNESS BACK
DO THE SHAKE AND VAC
AND PUT THE FRESHNESS BACK
WHEN YOUR CARPET SMELLS FRESH
YOUR ROOM DOES TOOOOOO
EVERYTIME YOU VACUUM 
REMEMBER WHAT TO DO
DO THE SHAKE AND VAC...

...And on and on. The problem with THIS earworm is that it has no end. As soon as you get to the end you find yourself back at

DO THE SHAKE AND VAC
AND PUT THE FRESHNESS BACK
DO THE SHAKE AND VAC
AND PUT THE FRESHNESS BACK
WHEN YOUR CARPET SMELL FRESH 
YOUR ROOM DOES TOOOOOOO
EVERYTIME YOU VACUUM 
REMEMBER WHAT TO DO
DO THE SHAKE AND VAC...

You see what I mean? It's INESCAPABLE. It's INTERMINABLE. 

If you are not familiar with the Shake & Vac song, do NOT click on this link whatever you do. Or this one which I've posted again for convenience. Or this one just in case.

Seriously. That effing advert. It played all the time in my youth, to the point where I can quote the dialogue. And do the dance. 

It's definitely the worst earworm I've ever come across, and I've encountered a few. I remember in 2007, me & Er Indoors were in New Zealand when Feefs innocently asked us if we had ever heard the "Badger" song.

We told her we had not. Fools! Gullible fools! 

Apparently it was some video on the internet that we had to see. Lacking a computer at the time she SANG it to us...

Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
Mushroom mushroom
IT'S A SNAAAAAAAAKE!

And while she sang this she did the "Badger Dance". This looked a bit like her arse had caught fire and she was trying to put it out with both hands.

Obviously, we thought she had taken leave of her senses, and so had to check the internet to see what she was talking about. And it was there I was exposed to one of the most irritating songs on the planet.

Naturally. I had to share it with Princess Normal, who has never ever forgiven me. She retaliated by sending me the lyrics to "Chanson D'Amour". She also turned the Badger Song against me. To this day I still get texts saying simply, "IT'S A SNAAAAAAAKE".

There are other earworms, but generally speaking they are not as wormy as Badgers. The Big Nipper tried to introduce us to "Boots Cats" but that one is easily removed from the brain with a bit of ABBA. 

But nothing compares to the Shake 'n' Vac song. That poor woman singing it. Apparently people came up to her for YEARS afterward asking about it. And threatening to kick her right in the upholstery attachment, I expect.

IT WAS A HOT SUMMER NIGHT AND THE BEACH WAS BURNING, THERE WAS FOG CRAWLING OVER THE SAND

Thank you Meatloaf, you've saved us all again.

S.