In Your Face

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

It has been a quiet Monday. I kind of farted about today, doing the non-difficult things at work and listening to podcasts.

Oh! But! Wait! One of the podcasts brought my attention to an actual news story that was in the British press lately.

It concerns a man who discovered his girlfriend had  SECRET BATHROOM THING that she did. And it caused a CRISIS in their relationship.

I've sucked you in, right? Okay, I'll tell you...

So it seems he was going through his rubbish when he found some of his socks had been thrown out. "Hey," thought he, like a typical man, "there was plenty of life left in those socks."

But upon closer inspection he found the reason they were in the bin. They were a bit "pooey". As in, covered in poo.

His first thought was that they had been used to clean up after the cat, but then he remembered they didn't HAVE a cat. So he confronted his girlfriend.

It transpires that she is a poo-phobic, and had decided the best way to avoid potential poo-on-hands situations was to stick one of his socks on her hand like a glove puppet and then "finish up".

So remarkably, the pair stayed together. He decided that they would somehow work through their issues, with the help of a whole lot of detergent. As for her, she's thinking of investing in a bidet.

See? You need me to help you keep up with these important news stories.

And here is a picture of Jasper, cuddled up RIGHT IN MY FACE. Which he does often.

S.