Dad

I don't remember when I got the phone call from the UK that my father had died. I suspect it was the day after from his solicitor. I was of course in Germany and as I post this, I haven't yet managed to find any handwritten diaries. It took a few days to organise matters here, especially for our four horses which we kept at our house before Angie & I could drive to Darlington and find out the detail.

Paul had seemingly been his normal fit self in the days, weeks and months before. Living alone in his wife Gwen's house in Darlington and going to visit her two or three times a week in a nursing home where she had been for a year or two suffering for dementia and Parkinson's.

On this morning, the postman came by and was always used to Paul greeting him at the front door but today there was no sign of him but as he put the letters through the letterbox slot he heard moaning and through the small side windows, Paul lying on the floor. He got in and alerted the emergency services.

Paul was taken to Darlington hospital by ambulance but shortly after arrival died of a burst main artery. There was in effect nothing that could be done and it was "relatively" quick and painless.

By the time Angie and I arrived there was simply organisational and official matters to sort out. Paul had typically organised and paid for everything connected with his funeral down to the chauffeur driven limo to take us from home to the service and back. Even the flowers, newspaper ads.... the whole thing.

I have his dairy the last entry was two days before on 4th when he went on his little electric shopping scooter the 3 miles to Gwen's nursing home near Tees Airport where he probably had lunch with her and then returned. Very occasionally when the weather conditions were really bad, he would take the bus. How he did it at the age of 87 is beyond me although he had told me on the phone he sometimes got confused and set off in the middle of the night.

His diary shows he was still pottering around the garden almost every day and had just sent off an order for some mail order plants and had on 29th March planted 45 Gladioli bulbs.

You could almost think he had planned his end so well as to ensure everything was financially sorted out by finishing the UK Government Tax Year which runs from 6th April one year to 5th April the next.

Trivial matters I know but they personified him. He always did his duty caring as best he could for Gwen and maintained everything around him to the highest standard.

In the coming days, regardless of who I met, from his GP to the cleaning lady, to his friends, the staff at the nursing home, the local shopkeepers ...... everyone without exception used the word "Gentleman". In every sense of the word he always was that, a gentle person with impeccable manners and respect for all. He came from a generation that found real close relationships difficult but even that he overcame albeit late in life.

I don't remember a day when I ever felt embarrassed in his presence or of anything he did. I hope in the course of time to recall some of the things I experienced with him.

My only regret was that I hadn't been able to see him more often. We had asked him to move to Germany and live with us which he may well have done if he had been alone but he refused to leave Gwen alone even though she was in a very good caring home.

So as dreadful as the news was, there had at least been the comfort of a short painless end and that he had lived life happily right up to the last few minutes.