Tuesday

Decisions. Hard to make just now.
Do I go to work? Yes, Mum said. She'd phone if needed.
I felt on edge all day, trying to check my phone at every opportunity. Every time the work phone went my heart stopped.

Straight up to Grandma after work. I burst into tears when I walked in as I thought she was gone, she looked it. She looked different. But she was just sleeping. She was non responsive today, couldn't get a nod of the head or flutter of the eyes like yesterday. She kept twitching her legs, and move her head that's all. She's been given morphine, as she was groaning this morning and the nurses thought she may be in pain.

I went for a drive on my own afterwards, nice to get some space. Stopped here seeing the wet cobbles.

Now more decisions. What do I want for my tea? Do I want to eat? Will I just go to bed? Do I make my lunch for tomorrow or buy something? It's all too much!