Alphonse Capony

The cousin of Pony Capone was tearing at grass like it was the hair of a punk who'd insulted his sister. It had been a bad day.

It had been a real bad day.

First up he'd thought he'd seen a luscious beautiful patch of green grass for breakfast. Beautiful it was. Beautiful. Dew soaked and lush. He'd bitten in and found a goddamned frog! A frog!

"You can't ever get rid of that taste!" he spat, while telling Pony why he was pissed. "It's wid ya forever! Frogs got no respect! This one didn't even have the goddamned courtesy to hop out of the way!"

And then the Don was busting his balls for not knowing that Frankie Cowbone had been squealing...

"But how am I supposed to know what I don't know?" he'd replied aghast.

"Don't you give me no backtalk Capony!" The Don snarled. "I don't need to know why you don't know what ya don't know! I just know you'd better know next time or you know what'll happen! Capiche!"

Capony had been Capiched by the Don and that sucked like a supersonic vacuum cleaner in a black hole...

And worse! He knew for a fact that Laughing Boy Luciano Ponyrotti had had that cheap talking punk with the black shooting box in his sights a few days ago and he'd let him go! But Ponyrotti was immune to the Don's fury just because he could sing a perfect Vesti la giubba. The Don loved an opera and Ponyrotti was the only one who could provide.

Capony had once tried to win the Don's approval with a rendition of Achy Breaky Heart. It hadn't worked. He'd done the accompanying line dance and everything after Ponyrotti told him that would add an extra 'touch' to the rendition...

"Set up like a damned fool!" Capony muttered as he munched a slug, still trying anything to get rid of the taste of frog... but hey ho what was this?

Capony did a double take, and then a third for effect.

Cheap punk with the black box was there! Right there! "Well I'll be a son of a ...." he whispered as he finally saw a way to get into the Don's good books.

"Boys" he declared. "None of you move. Just chow down. This punk is mine!"