The New Boss
OK I get it now. People said "Nothing can prepare you for having a baby", "Those first few days/weeks/months are mental torture" and "You don't even have time to shower/eat".
We thought yeah, yeah whatever...how hard can it be? We'll be different.
We'll do it our way.
Wrong.
There is only one thing that is certain and that is that you will experience living hell! Sleep deprivation alone will ensure that and as my friend Laura (who recently had a newborn herself) remarked, "I now understand why they use it in torture!"
Things have changed here that's for sure. My husband and I now work round the clock as live in personal assistants to a boss called Audrey. She never lets us sleep longer than an hour and requires meals on demand almost every two hours. She can be lovely and beguiling one minute and a screaming banshee the next! We also have to change her clothes several times a day (such a diva) and wash her down as her personal hygiene can be a bit lacking. She thinks nothing of throwing up on us if she's had too much to drink and she never says thank you, ever!
As such, the house is now being run like a business. Early morning meetings between my husband and I to discuss what needs to be done in the 45 minute gaps between feeds. Even something as simple as putting a wash or having a shower seems a luxury. I feel guilty for even writing this.
We are managing to keep a sense of humour, just. But we both have our dark moments. Just have to keep telling ourselves that it will get better and that these first stages are the worst as we adjust to the new Fuhrer and her demands.
Right better go. Just managed a plate full of food and I can hear the crackle of the baby monitor. The boss doesn't like it when I keep her waiting.....
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