Audrey's arrival

She's here!!!!
My baby girl Audrey was born at 10.28 on Thursday 7th June 2012.
Named after a heroine of mine, Audrey Hepburn and just as beautiful (biased Mum clearly!)

Apologies for the post dated blips. Hadn't quite foreseen a 5 day hospital stay (with no wifi - I ask you!) but there you go. Will be back on track now.

So where were we? Oh yes, denial. I'd heard this was a big part of the labouring process (see last Wednesday's blip). Turns out it was most of mine. Managed to labour at home 3am - 7.30pm and convince myself and everyone around me that it was probably just a 'false labour'. Stuff only started to get real as the pain intensified (one particular episode involving some worn down batteries and a TENs machine was particularly enlightening).

We headed to the hospital when it all became too much for me around 7pm. My husband had had the car packed ready from 5am and seemed mighty relieved to be finally useful. I was just annoyed that I was going to miss The Great British Menu on BBC2.

On arriving it was confirmed. "You're in established labour, blah blah centimetres....now go for a walk around the hospital for an hour."

A walk??? A bloody walk?? I've been labouring at home for 16 hours and now you're telling me to stretch my legs?

This was when my denial turned to anger. Went for said walk, which involved three shuffles and me holding onto walls and screaming in agony (and repeat ad infinitum).

Arrived back an hour later at the maternity ward feeling proud and ready for the serious stuff to start only to be told that there were no beds available on the delivery suite and could I wait in the waiting room? Wait!!!! Wait!!!!??? Officially lost the plot in that hour. People tell you that you forget the pain afterwards. Tosh. I will never forget that hour oun the waiting room as long as I live. My poor husband. Every time he tried to comfort me I'd push him away. I was frantically clicking my TENs machine button and taking deep breaths but by this point nothing worked and most contractions just ended in my pathetic sobs I'm ashamed to admit.

When I was finally admitted, I became very assertive. I'd learnt in the past 2 hours that playing it their (the hospital that is) way wasn't going to work and decided it was time to take control of the situation.

My strategy had always been labour at home then get to hospital and demand an epidural as soon as possible. I've been terrified of childbirth all my life and it had honestly put me off having children. Then I fell in love and suddenly it became a possibility and I needed a way to get over my fears. Which meant minimising the pain. Read somewhere once that 90% of French women have an epidural and that they all think we're a bit bonkers over the Channel for resisting it in favour of 'natural'. I've always liked the French.

Having said all that, seriously...hats off to all the women who do it the natural way. You are so much braver than me. After this last week 'natural birth mothers' and midwives have gone to the top of my respect list!

Where were we? Oh yes my self indulgent labour anecdote. Well, after an initial resistance by the nurses to give me the hallowed epidural ("but you'll be fine", "you've already done most of the hard bit yourself" and "am not sure we have an anaesthetist available" etc etc), finally they agreed. At this stage, I wasn't a woman you'd say no to put it that way!

I was admitted to the delivery suite and it all started. Except it didn't. You see, what I hadn't quite appreciated was how much epidurals slow labour down. It's a choice. Excruciating agony (which I tasted when the epidural stopped working for an hour and heard from the room next door) or a slow labour. I'll have the latter please!

What followed was a 12 hour blur of injections, drips, machines beeping, me sleeping on and off, my husband looking very bored and tired, midwives chatting and reading novels while they 'observed me' and an obsession on my part to hold the pain at bay!

Finally around 9am the next morning, it was confirmed....I was "fully dilated". But worryingly my baby's heart-rate was dropping. Someone mention a c-section, they performed more tests and told me they were concerned for the baby's health. Thankfully the c-section seemed to be off the table in favour of a suction pump (nice) and a very chirpy man in scrubs at the end of my bed began preparations - I'll spare you those details!

Had a panic attack, started hyper-ventilating and refused to go on for a few minutes (although not sure how I thought I could stop it exactly!) My husband was amazing and talked me round and then we started that bit that they always show in movies and in soaps. Push, push, push!!! Everyone in the room seemed to turn into a cheerleader within seconds.

At one stage five people were telling me they could see the head and that there was "so much hair". It was said that often that in the end I snapped, "Is it a Gorilla?" which seemed to raise a laugh. You've got to keep a sense of humour in these situations.

Then she arrived. I can't help but turn to mush at this point and say that she was everything I hoped for. Just perfect. Beautiful, tiny with the most enquiring eyes. I fell in love instantly. She didn't even cry. They rested her on me and I stroked her face and said hello. Then I watched as they took her away and did all their tests on her while my husband followed chatting away to her, telling her he loved her and stroking her feet (I was literally melting from the other side of the room).

Nothing else seemed to matter at that point. I just felt complete. I had my family and I felt unbelievably happy and whole. It was an incredible feeling.

Special mention needs to go to my sister though. As well as knowing that I was in labour, she spent the day having sympathy pains and drove uninvited (I was very funny about people seeing me in labour or during the aftermath - am a total control freak incase you hadn't guessed) to the hospital and pretty much camped outside. When Audrey was born, I relented and said she could come in. The look of love on her face for me and her niece will stay with me forever. She will always be a special part of that day as she was not only the first person to know I was in labour, but the first to meet Audrey. Seems fitting really.