Waiting and Hoping

Tilly is still with me - took her to the vets early as she was getting more poorly by the hour today and she was expelling air but the stitch loop wouldn't let anything else out, just bum whistles! She slept on my lap till it was time to go and I cried on her beautiful feathered body. 
The vet who put Flora down last week looked sad to see me again and said what a rough time I was having which immediately made me cry and I told him to ignore me! The prolapse didn't reoccur when the stitch was taken out, although it wasn't entirely in, but he said to take her home and see how she went overnight. I was convinced I would be leaving with her dead body to bury on the plot and wondered how I was going  to cope with another 24 hours of anxiety and a delay of the inevitable.
 Vet also showed me Flora's xray - big clump of grit in intestine and tracking down to bum - no idea why, they have had the same sized oyster grit for months so he thought maybe a twist in her gut - might pulverise the shell just in case, Milly and Tilly have very finely ground shell.
When we got home Tilly just sat in the dust bath  tray all hunched up and ignored the fresh egg and the yogurt I gave her - and my slight hopes began to falter.Had an hours respite at hairdressers - he is so egocentric he dismissed my news and spoke about himself and his gym training and showed me how all his muscles were so much more defined!!! That took my mind of everything else! Plus OTT  haircut for the masked ball!  
Once home Tilly seemed to have rallied round - ate baby spinach leaves I  gave her one leaf at a time and some  mash and pecked at my leg to be picked up cuddled! Prolapse looked virtually in so as long as she does not lay an egg tomorrow she may have longer than I thought possible.
So my blip is from my morning walk with portly Lucy - it was cold but sunny and I felt emotionally exhausted and fragile but calm - as if in the eye of the storm - knowing it was whirling around me but that for the moment I was reprieved from its buffeting and danger. This stinging nettle and the perfect beauty of the white flowers seemed to sum life up - I'm just getting the stings at present, but I know the beauty is still there. For this evening I am feeling more optimistic of perhaps more beauty  than stings tomorrow, at least as far as Tilly is concerned, everything else I have put back in the box.