Donnington, I think

I always liked this photo, as I can actually recall those few seconds while I took this picture.  It was such a good day......and in the bag of sweets he had brought back (from a toilet trip), were some other jellies, including jelly rings.  He gave me one, and......I'm sad I know - but I kept that jelly ring & dummy all these years.  It's such a 'little girl romanticising' thing to do.....but in my head I remember thinking "if only" and kept them close  :/

We saw a red arrows air show, a large red bull display.........it was all pretty awesome.

I love all of these pictures.........they were from when we were "courting" - that is such a lovely word.  A word I heard my Dad use, and have always found it (for me) to have connotations of romance.

I cried all the way back from the airport in my car this evening.  I just don't try any more to have a day without tears.  I've just accepted they will come.  I'm just glad I've not just broken down in front of people in work again.
It's like I have a choice......I suppress them, and feel this pressure building up in my head, or I let the tears escape.  The sensation of hot liquid creeping down my cheeks.....it's not in any way comforting, and in fact makes me feel as though the pain is on the outside of me too.
But it releases the pressure, and perhaps some of the pain inside me.

The journey home was somehow almost all about one thought - that one line in his email....
"I'm sorry if I have destroyed your life, but selfish as it is, I cannot destroy mine by being unhappy"
How did it ever get to that stage.........and for me not to feel it????
I know the year prior I had so many things happen to me and I wasn't coping.........I will write them in here at some stage......but how did I never ever see he was that unhappy.
I just didn't deserve to have him when I could let that happen.