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Today has NOT been a good day.

Had a terrible night sleep last night, awakening at 4.00 with the vivid thought that I needed to spew. Plus Connie was chewing/grinding her teeth so hard that I thought there was someone in the room was breaking up our roof tiles with a pair of pliers and a small sledgehammer.

Slept in until about 9.30 at which time I arose to discover that firstly I definately have the lurgy, my right hand was practically blue and that connie had dismantled half the livingroom.

She informs me that the fireplace wall will no longer be red as she plans to paint it TEAL. I have no idea what colour teal is but I know that I dont like it, I think its a made up colour to confuse men, like calling pink, salmon, or calling that bluey green colour turqouise. I dont even care if thats how you spell it. As from this moment onwards I have decided that real men only understand primary colours. She tells me that she can change it for plum if im not happy, but that sounds like purple to me.

Furthermore she tells me the rug, the narnia hand crafted mirror and even the coal scuttle MUST go. Keeping the overhead light also seems to be out of the question.

So, your stealing everything that I actually like about our living room then luv and I will be forced into tealness. I was once a 30 something bright red, now Im a middle age teal, soon i will be elderly beige. Iris has teal and Connie has a strop when I ask if this is where the lightning bolt of inspiration has come from. I cant blame her really, i've been in a crabbit mood all day and thats not her fault.

She takes the zafira to work, a car that I despise so much I have no problem with her driving it as often as she wants. And, I dont have a bolt to my name today as its the dreaded three days before payday.

Not a good start to the day and I decide some fresh air is in order to try and clear the man lurgy, so me and the bairn decide to walk to the library, except its shut.

OK, so she says, dad, can we go and see the cows in the field, great plan sweetheart, except we get there and they have gone home.

Gets home, dejected and the mother and law pops around to steal Ruby for a few hours, therefore robbing my only remaining source of entertaintment. So im sore, ill, colour blind, bored, crabbit and destitute.

The highlight of my day is when the man with the oil delivery comes and pumps 500 litres of heating oil into my big green tank.

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