diagrams

Feeling rather sore today, or rather just my right shoulder, everything else seems to be fading accordingly. However, as well as my shoulder, my right hand keeps going very cold and going entirely numb losing all of the feeling out of the finger tips.

I decide that another trip to the doctors is in order and I sit and wait in the open surgery. This is twice more than I have been the the docs in the X years.

Firstly, I would like to express that doctors receptionists while doing a wonderfull job ( thank you ladies) they lie like cheap japanese watches.

As I dont have an appointment and there is no cancellations for today, she tells me on the phone that open surgery starts and that I can sit and wait from 10.20 sharp, I get there exactly at 10.19 and there is already 9 people in front of me. So fair to assume it doesnt start at 10.20 then luv, bit of receptionist humour there was it, well done, another one born every minute. Stamp my file with Mug please.

No matter, I sit in the crowded waiting room and catch deadly diseases from people that look seriously unwell, I think one guy is going to cough up a lung any minute and I consider not bothering to sit here any longer to catch the consumption, plague or leprosy when my name is called.

The doc, tells me she thinks that I may have torn muscles in my shoulders rotating cuff and that she wants me to go for x-rays at rudylands hospital in haddington and signs me off work until next Monday. I think i might watch the shining soon and remind myself that cabin fever could be a lot worse.

Just as I phone my work and update my current manager Claire, (who thinks its not a bad idea to have a numb hand...insert your own jokes here....) I get savaged by a rabbid dog.

This big collie dog is bounding straight towards me and I can see that look in its eye that is either play with me or im going to eat your pockets while your still wearing it.

I have to hang up on my work and literaly this thing is bouncing about me like a wounded antelope until the man with the missing lung grabs it and wrestles it back home.

Suitably muddy, I make my way to Rudylands hospital in haddington with Ruby. I can confirm that David Dickonson seems to be alive and well since leaving bargain hunt and is residing in this east lothian shire.

So me and the bairn are waiting for this X-ray and hattie jaques thinner sister see's to us (the grumpy matron from carry on). She tells me that I need to leave the bairn in the waiting room.

Sorry luv, let me get this straight, you want me to leave my 3 year old child, in a corridor waiting room, with exits to haddington at either end, no cctv cameras and a large mass of people that may or may not be trustworthy while you X-ray me. Hmm, let me think about that for a moment !NO !

I ask why she cant come into the room with us and stand behind the bit that stops you being zapped by the microwaves and she tells me that its not allowed. Ok, lady, so you want my ruby to be the next maddie mcann then. Lets not waste time here, me and the bairn are coming in, shes going to hide behind the counter, im going to strip down to my calvins for you and if you can contain yourself with excitement, your going to photo my bones, hows that sound to you.

After a mexican stand off and a waiting room of people that thinks she is being deliberately obstenant she agrees to take us both in. Ruby stands under the counter hiding from the wicked witch of the east. ooh I'll get you my pretty...ooohhhwayoooohh and your little tuto too....aaaaggghhahahahahah. She tells us to wait outside while she checks the photos.

So we sit back outside, ruby says she doesnt like the lady. She comes back out and says we can go. I ask her if there is anything broken in there, she says she cant comment. So what was the point in me sticking around then. I tell her to have a nice day crabbit chops and me and the bairn skip on our merry way, theres an hour of my life Im not going to get back.

I think somebody skipped the happy pills this morning, or perhaps she fell out the shower and the wrong end of the bog brush wedged up her arse. Lets see how angry matron gets when we let down her tyres.

I have one word for you matron "SPINSTER"

When we get home mr postman has been and has delivered the first set of papers to send back to the insurance company. They have asked for a diagram as to what has happened and I have decided this might do the trick. See photo.