Skegness is soooooo bracing

Of course it is dickhead, there is a 25 mile gale blowing, we're into September and you've got your 'frosty the snowman' skin out in the fucking North Sea.

Expect a runny nose and spiking headache sometime soon, followed by pills from the doctors and a phone call from your Mum telling you that you're an idiot.

GARYS TOP TIPS FOR SKEGNESS SURVIVAL

If ever on the beach and choosing to remove your shoes and socks, please be aware that placing your shoes AWAY from the sea is a good idea. I'd also recommended not going barefoot in the occasional mud spot. Perhaps a spare of socks?

Did I mention not slapping your converse against your leg as this will result in you having one side of your jeans covered in a clay like filth.

Oh and one final top tip. If you hear birds singing above and you've just sat down at a table that has a small white pile of goo on it: Do Not Touch.