The Road Ahead

I ran away from home today. I was supposed to go to a big rock and gem show in Boise, my second biggest and make a bunch of money. I am so burned out, so worn out, and my lupus is flaring. On top of that, it's snowing almost everywhere in Oregon, and there is no way to avoid it. My van is old and cranky, and I just decided I couldn't do it. I don't have the energy, at all.

Once I made this decision, I started to realize it was a bigger decision then I at first thought. In face, it's a huge decision.

I've had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind for quite sometime that became a tiny voice that I couldn't really hear, just knew was there. Recently, the voice became loud enough to hear. It was reminding me of what I really want to do in life and that everything I want to do is exactly what I'm not doing.

I have felt like I'm on a treadmill going faster and faster, and getting nowhere. I kept thinking that 'someday' I'll have time to do what I want.

Someday started today. Until I stopped doing what I didn't want to do, there was no room for what I want to do.

I feel like I was on a bus headed to a destination that my ex and I had decided on together. He got off some time ago, but I was still on it, still doing what I knew how to do to make a living at what 'we' had started together. Today, I got off the bus. Instead of getting on another bus, I'm getting into a Ferrari. It's time to step it up. I deserve it.

So, instead of going to Boise, I took this time for myself. I'm heading to the coast, and now it's my journey.