if

if the other one was a penguin he wouldn't have been so darn cold on the way home from work.

if the other one was a penguin he would love eatin oily fish.

if the other one was a penguin in edinburgh he would enjoy going on parade at the zoo

if the other one was a penguin he would think that sliding about on his belly was the greatest fun in the world.

if the other one was a penguin diving into the water would be an artform.

if the other one was a penguin he would be the only penguin capable of using a digital camera, connecting it to the computer, downloading it onto a website and typing a description.