surviving 21.12

as already previously (last Tuesday?) announced, I have some annually reoccurring difficulties with this day. Well, for the last 7 years I have - before then I hardly knew this day existed!
Every year I remember different aspects of my 'near death' experience. Sadly, I was not sent back to earth by angels who told me to go back and finish the lord's work or anything like that. I was just given a shot of morphine, sank into warm and painless bliss and woke up in a blood splattered room (and I mean blood and splattered) to be presented with a baby that I didn't remember giving birth to and which looked nothing like any member of my family - she had a mop of black hair, dark skin and green eyes. And then found out that there was a blood splattered stranger standing between my legs telling me everything was ok...OK? in what sense, mate? Is this some kind of bad joke?
Anyway, the memories...once I had a day of repeated flashbacks of blue lights flashing on the tunnel walls as we went through the motorway tunnel in the ambulance. Today it was the feeling of weight on my tummy as my newborn sproglet lay on top of me in the ambulance and the feeling of my life literally slipping away as I lost the feeling in my limbs and my head would start spinning...and the midwife kept saying "look at your baby, keep looking at your baby, we're nearly there, it's going to be alright" - the feeling kept floating away from my hands all day today and the feeling of panic kept welling up. One day I might have managed to process every bit of that few hours of nightmare and be able to actually enjoy the 21.12.
I woke up this morning from a dream about having to carrying something really heavy and precious down a steep and slippery set of stairs (no prizes for interpreting that dream!) to find this moon shining down on me. I like the moon and to add a note of cheer (because today will be over soon enough and I can live again) here's a lovely song that has a big ole moon in and always makes me smile :-)