You hear it from the people in the town

They call us gypsies, tramps and thieves

So, there's a knock at the door, an event that is guaranteed to get my back up ..

GK: Mornin Mam (annoying), we're BlahBlah Garden Services, working in a house across the road and wondered if ...
Me: There are no houses across the road.
GK: Just a few yards on the ...
Me: What, in the river?
GK: Er, no, ... anyway, I noticed your very high trees and conifers there ... we could help you with those today and take the rubbish away.
Me: My neighbour's brother-in-law does the hedge for me (where did that come from?? Not aware of any of my neighbours having a brother-in-law although I'm sure one of them will).
GK: Will he take the rubbish away?
Me: I always keep the tops, cut the leaves off and then use them on the fire.
GK: Can I give you a price for just cutting them?
Me: No point
GK: I can give you a price for cutting 5 feet off and taking the rubbish aw..
Me: Dont want the rubbish taken away but go on then (or I risk this taking all day)
GK: £110?
Me: No thanks, my neighbour's imaginary bro ..
GK: How much will you give him
Me: A (fictional) drink in the pub (that I haven't been in for 3 years, this lying lark is easy)
GK: How much would you be prepared to pay me to do it now
Me: £20
GK: You must be joking
Me: Do I look like a comedian?

Exit stage left, one disgruntled pikey landscaper.

Here's some of the debris left behind now they've moved off the ground they'd been camping on ... the old compound used for the M9 extension ... all the trees they'd cut down for considerably more than £20 ... F*ckers.


EDIT: Just spotted my thumbnail of 1 year ago, my beautiful boy, now gone. Last time the gypsies came to the door, he came out of the front door and 3 of them ran out of the garden.

Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves - Cher, 1971