passing and failing

Every time I see a homeless person I feel compelled to give him a handout.
I try not to size them up to much. But I do, anyway. Insane, veteran, teenager, drunk, sick, there are many classifications.
It doesn't matter, I guess. I know there are some who believe I am wasting my good hard-earned money on people like this. Maybe I am.
But mostly, I do it out of fear.
A long time ago my Mom told something along the lines of it might be a test, when you see someone less fortunate as you, God in disguise. Maybe this is the deciding factor to which you will be judged on when your day of judgment shall arrive. Would you want to be denied eternal peace or happiness due to the fact that you wouldn't give up that spare change you were just going to leave at the bottom of your purse, anyway? This terrifies me.

And the funny part is, I don't even know if I really believe in God and the kingdom of heaven and eternal life and so on. But something about not being kind doesn't sit well with me. Maybe I'm just afraid of my own Karma. And what harm is protecting your karma anyway?
But this. this is actual FEAR. It's the same with animals. And oddly enough I will go out of my way to help an animal first, before I help a person- which almost certainly contradicts the previoue.

As much as I like people, I am terrified just the same. I feel that everyone who comes into your life has a very specific role and reason for being there. And in grand scheme of things, everything is a test. For what? I can't answer that.
But every person I come across, every person who creeps and weasels their way into my life, every stranger I bump into on a busy street, every client that walks into my office and every bum that rattles a paper cup at me has me wondering, what if?
What if this person is the deciding factor in the next phase of your life, eternal or present.
Just another piece of the puzzle to me trying to be the better person. To act with kindness and understanding instead of assumptions. To act genuinely instead of out of fear.

What I know and what I believe are very often two completely different things.