paralysis of the mouth

It's so hard to articulate verbally (vocally) for me.
N and I have problems with this. By this I mean, I have the problem of not always saying what I mean or feel, and N have the problem of being so completely frustrated with it that he can barely stand to be in the same room as me. It's hard.
He has always been good at saying exactly what he means at that very moment, while I need to sit on my thoughts for a while, or forever. I don't like to make waves. and I have always felt like my feelings were not a big deal at all, maybe because they have been so easily dismissed for so very long in my life.
I'm passive. I never used to be this way, I m pretty sure there was a time in my life where I did and said exactly what I wanted, and now it's just hard. Something changed.
Or maybe we just don't understand each other. It's like we both are speaking two different languages and we are both left standing in front of each other confused and annoyed that the other person doesn't understand. It shouldn't be this hard. And it pisses me off that we love each other so, yet have trouble communicating our wants or needs. It feels hopeless sometimes.
Yet I am full of hope. Hoping that a change of location or company will fix it all.
Surely it can get better, because when it's bad it can't feel like it can get any worse.