Id

have enrolled, registered, started, administered, paid, queued, uploaded, spell-checked, completed the forms and smiled for the camera. The summation of all these extractions? - a small rectangular piece of plastic with the right black lines to gain me access and identity to the seat of learning.

I studied before, and again, then worked, then travelled, then worked, then worked again, then worked again, then left, then studied again, and now this - potentially my fourth degree.

All too easily I set off back into pressure panic mode- (the eternal White rabbit of learning, late and behind and no good. I should have stopped for a second longer. I am a lucky dog. A lucky dog - who came out as one of the 8% of 253 students (and a larger 43 / 800 student group) to be awarded funding. Extraordinary really. I was declined and declined but just when I thought all was lost, the 'dead-fund' contacted me and I got the pulled resources left behind by students who dropped out or (gulp, say it) are no longer with us. Outer reaches of my imagination conjure some cursed myths around it - and stipulations after stipulations are given, and I feel fraudulent beyond even what is considered normal. In the induction lectures I feel nauseous and overwhelmed, an intruder. But here it is the card. It is me. the funding made it happen and I made that happen through the course of a hellish competitive process.

So once in a while maybe I should say to the card, aye. Lucky dog. Here you are. Make something of it.