Creamfields!

Well. Where to start?

We woke up at about 9am as agreed, tentatively looked out of the window to find...rain! Actually I wasn't surprised, I heard it start just as I was falling asleep last night.

We postponed make-up(eek!) as they stopped serving breakfast by 10am, and headed to the other building to eat. The food was ok, I just felt really stressed out! I managed a piece of toast and a mouthful of porridge, mindful that I should probably eat something as I might not eat all day.

We went back and got ready. I was chatting with a friend on Facebook, as she wanted to wish me a good time. We got to talking and she said she couldn't do something for me that I needed as a back up plan. I understood, and I know I put her in an awkward spot, but this only served to make the anxiety go full pelt. I wasn't really much company to my new friend either.

We grabbed a taxi to the field, and as soon as we got there, all you could see was mud.... No surprise really. It was your typical British autumn day, cold, drizzly and windy. Yuck. We joined a massive queue, and ended up there for almost an hour despite being one of the earliest arrivals. My friend was gabbling away, but I wasn't really listening. I just kept thinking how much this wasn't me, and what was I doing here? Part of me wanted to leave right there and then, but I managed to persuade myself that it would be worth it on the other side. When I get stressed or anxious I get very quiet and I don't want to talk to anyone. Talk about great company!

Eventually, after having our ID checked, wristbands given, searched by sniffer dogs etc, we were in! And the sun came out! It was really muddy, so you had to look really carefully where you were treading to avoid slipping. Some people did and I was determined it wouldn't be me!

We headed to the stands, and my friend bought food. The music didn't start until 2pm, so we had a wander around the tents etc. They have two main stages, North and South, which are in the open air, but the rest of the events are in tents.

We went to one tent when a guy started his set, and I really got into it. It wasn't crowded, so it was even better! When we were done, we decided to go up to the stage, and I decided to take a picture. This one. And as I lowered my phone, out of the corner of my eye, and no less than two metres to my right, was guy friend and his friend. Completely threw me. He recognised me and walked away. They stopped and turned around to look at us. It was sad really. What are the chances of seeing them in 60,000 people?

We went off to forget about it, saw a few more bits of different acts, and ended up on the other side of the site, and the other big stage like this. And once again, in the throngs of people, we spotted him.

It just reminded me that I wanted to be the one walking beside him, and sharing this experience with him. And it was kind of then that I realised I didn't want to be here. In my head I started wondering if I could leave tonight.

By 6pm (pathetic, I know), and before the big names even started, I made my decision, to bail. I thought about it a lot. I rationalised I had made it here, I had seen some things I wanted to, and I had more or less done it on my own. And I had nothing to prove by staying up there. My friend was fine and was happy to stay, so I took a last look at the massive crowds, the mud, and headed for the exit.

And I felt good about it. I got a taxi back to the hotel, which was a bit more trickier than expected, as there are apparently four Premier Inn's in Warrington, and I couldn't remember which one I was staying in....!

When I got back, the girl at the reception looked up the trains for me, and she said she'd been to Creamfield's before but once was enough! I had a bit of a wait, so I had a cup of tea and packed my bits. I didn't even drink at all today for fear of having to use the Portaloo's.....

I got to the station, and ended up chatting with a lovely lady called Helen, who was from Liverpool but taking the train down to London for work. There was no direct train, so it meant several changes, so we ended up doing the same route. She was such a funny lady, and we chatted and laughed all the way. She sorted out other people's travel problems along the way, helped a blind man, and picked up a few more waifs and stray's along the way, including me :-)

My sister was pleased, as my new route meant I could avoid going into London to get home, and instead caught a train from Reading which actually ends up a lot closer to home. Plus I saved two hours on my journey time, and she picked me up at midnight, even though I prepared her that it might be 2am!

It was bloody freezing at Reading, and there were a lot of young girls on their way home from the Reading Festival, wearing booty shorts, bare legs and wellies, trying not to look as though they were hypothermic!

I got home, and took a nice hot bath. I felt yucky and gross, even though I only got mud on my leggings! I fell into bed at 2am, and felt like I was exhausted and could sleep for a month.

Do I regret going? No, although it turned out to be a very expensive weekend and I am in the red until payday. I needed to do this for me, sort of to prove that I could, I suppose. But I can't hide the fact that although I love the music, and went for that, things like this are always better if you have someone special to share them with, as you experience things through their eyes. And while I had a friend to go with, it wasn't the same. BUT, I would have regretted not going, and continuing to wonder what it was all about. Would I go again? Maybe! With the right group ;-)

" A soul suffocated by fear leaves too many joys un-lived".

I firmly believe that's true. And I try to remember this whenever I feel too afraid to do something.